It’s National Donut Day. And while this might sound like a stretch—stick with me—because that little hole in the middle of every donut? It’s the perfect analogy for something coaches don’t talk about enough: holding space.
Here’s the deal. Most of us are conditioned to fix, fill, explain, and direct. We think we’re helping when we jump in with the next tool, tip, or reframe. But sometimes, that instinct? It robs the client of the very thing they came for: space.
The Donut’s Secret: It’s About the Hole
A donut isn’t just sweet because of what’s there—it’s powerful because of what’s missing. That intentional emptiness? That’s where things breathe. That’s where the pause lives. That’s what gives the donut its identity.
Same goes for coaching. What you don’t say… what you *don’t* fill… matters more than you think.
Holding Space vs. Filling Silence
We’ve all had that moment in a session: the client goes quiet. Their eyes well up. They say, “I don’t know.”
And your brain races: Should I offer a prompt? Should I reframe that thought? Should I jump in?
But often, the real work is happening right there. In the pause. In the unspoken. In the void they’re finally allowed to feel.
Holding space means:
– Letting a client sit with a hard truth without rescuing them from it.
– Creating a container for emotion without rushing to fix it.
– Offering presence instead of performance.
When Coaches Rush In, Clients Shut Down
Here’s what happens when we overfill the space:
– Clients feel unseen, because we responded too quickly.
– Clients learn to mask vulnerability, because silence doesn’t feel safe.
– Clients become dependent on our voice instead of building trust in their own.
And it’s not our fault—we’re taught that value means action. But in deep, trust-based coaching, value is often found in stillness.
What Holding Space Actually Looks Like
– You resist the urge to jump in with a solution.
– You reflect what they’ve said without needing to analyze it.
– You validate their emotion before guiding it.
This isn’t passive coaching. It’s powerful. It tells your client: “This moment is enough. You don’t have to perform for me to stay present.”
How to Train Yourself to Pause
Start in your content:
– Share a story and don’t end it with a tidy lesson.
– Ask a question without answering it.
– Post a message that simply holds emotion instead of trying to reframe it.
You’re showing potential clients what it feels like to be in your presence—and that might be the first safe space they’ve encountered in months.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Hole
We don’t trust people who talk nonstop. We trust the ones who make space for us to be messy, real, and unfinished.
Let your coaching reflect that.
Try This Today
In your next session, when a client hits a wall or goes quiet—pause. Breathe. Count to five in your head before responding.
See what opens.
Final Thought
Today, donuts get the spotlight. But tomorrow—and every day after—let the hole in the middle remind you of what makes your coaching different.
It’s not how much you fill. It’s how bravely you leave room.
And trust me—your clients will remember that. Long after the sugar wears off.
