Let’s talk about one of the most subtle, sneaky saboteurs your clients are probably wrestling with—sometimes without even realizing it:
Fixed Identity
You’ve heard it before:
- “I’m just not a confident person.”
- “I’ve always been bad at relationships.
- “That’s just how I am.”
These aren’t insights. They’re cages.
What Is a Fixed Identity?
A fixed identity is a set of beliefs we cling to because they feel safe—even if they’re limiting. It’s the idea that who we are can’t change. That personality traits are permanent. That past patterns are fate.
And for people in transition? This mindset is the death of possibility.
Why Clients Cling to Labels
Labels are comfortable. They give us a script. They help us make sense of pain. If I’m ‘just the anxious one,’ then I don’t have to risk disappointing anyone. If I’m ‘the one who always messes up,’ then I can stop trying.
But the truth is, most fixed identities are just old armor. Worn out. Heavy. And no longer needed.
How This Shows Up in Coaching
You’ll see it in session when a client talks like they’re narrating a character they can’t change:
- They dismiss growth with “That’s not me.”
- They predict failure before trying.
- They shrink their goals to fit a smaller self-concept
And if we’re not careful? We reinforce it.
Coaches Can Accidentally Lock Clients In
Here’s how:
- Over-categorizing client ‘types.’
- Only reflecting back the pain and never the possibility.
- Using language like “That’s just your story” without offering new ones.
Growth doesn’t happen when we correct clients. It happens when we invite them into a wider version of themselves.
Break the Box: Practical Tools
- Ask: “Who told you that?” and “Is that still true now?”
- Invite them to describe who they are becoming—not just who they’ve been.
- Use language like “for now” to soften permanence: “That’s been true for now.
Even in your content, reflect possibility:
- Show readers they are not their past.
- Normalize evolving.
- Model identity shifts by sharing your own.
Marketing That Loosens the Labels
Instead of leading with pain points only, lead with an invitation:
“What if you’re not broken—just boxed in by old stories?”
That line alone builds more trust than ten tactics.
Offer a Label Detox
Create a social post or lead magnet that walks your audience through:
- The top 3 labels they’ve outgrown.
- How those labels helped—but now hold them back.
- A vision of who they’re becoming.
This isn’t fluff. It’s neuroscience. When people rewire identity, they change behavior.
Final Thought
You’re not coaching problems—you’re coaching people. And people are more than their patterns.
Help them rewrite who they are. And watch everything else follow.