In the coaching world, positivity sells.
‘You’ve got this.’
‘It’s all mindset.’
‘Your thoughts create your reality.’
These phrases aren’t inherently wrong. But when used out of context, they can quietly harm.
Especially when they replace actual support with surface-level cheerleading.
What Is Bypassing?
Bypassing is when emotional discomfort is avoided rather than explored.
In coaching, it often sounds like:
- ‘Don’t focus on that—it’s negative energy.’
- ‘You just need to shift your mindset.’
- ‘You’re attracting this because of your vibration.’
When Coaches Bypass Instead of Coach:
- Clients start to doubt their pain is valid.
- They feel pressure to perform healing instead of experiencing it.
- Trust breaks—sometimes silently.
Common Red Flags in Coaching Sessions:
- The coach avoids hard topics or quickly reframes instead of sitting with discomfort.
- Emotional expression is labeled as ‘low vibe.’
- Growth is measured only by outward achievement, not internal grounding.
How to Coach Without Causing Harm:
- Hold space without fixing. – ‘I hear that. You’re not alone in it.’
- Validate the emotion before shifting the narrative. – ‘What you’re feeling makes sense given what you’ve experienced.’
- Know your scope. – If the emotion is too deep for your skill set, refer—don’t spiritualize.
The Real Goal of Empowerment:
It’s not to get your client to feel good.
It’s to walk with them through what feels hard—so they know they’re not broken for struggling.
Good coaching doesn’t rush clarity.
It earns it, slowly.
By staying present when the pain is still fresh.
Final Thought:
If your support skips over the story in favor of a soundbite, you may be reinforcing the very thing you say you’re helping them release:
Isolation.
You don’t have to be a therapist to coach with depth.
But you do have to be present enough to not disappear behind a slogan.
This is how we build coaching practices that heal—not just sell.